Parents, Priorities and Kids

"I expect her to get better now" said the man on the end of the phone. I almost thought I could hear a hint of menace in his voice. The voice belonged Mr Smith, a naturally worried parent living thousands of miles away somewhere in South America. His daughter, Jennifer, was a student at the boarding school where I was working. "Well, we're doing the best we can. She's seen the doctor and is on her second course of antibiotics, so she should be fine" I replied, trying hard to keep my voice calm and neutral. "That's not good enough" he said "I want a real doctor. She needs a specialist. I want her to see a specialist today. Or do I have to come over there myself" when he said this, there was no doubt about the menacing tone in his voice.

I've heard it all before. Caring parents thousands of miles away accusing me of not taking care of their son/daughter. I've learned to have as little contact with parents as possible, as no matter what I do it will never be good enough, but sometimes I feel the urge to bite back.

"You're welcome to come over. I'm sure Jennifer will love it" I replied. "Shall I tell her that you're coming over then?" I added. "That won't...ah be necessary" my reply had caught Mr Smith off guard. Of course he wouldn't come over. He's just like many of the parents I deal with, too busy looking after their business instead of their children. "I'm sure you'll do what is needed." With that the phone went dead.

The problem was that one week ago Jennifer was diagnosed with a bad throat infection, commonly called Strep Throat. She had become sick one monday evening, about nine o'clock, whereupon I was called to see her. Her throat did look bad. It was an angry red and had a couple of small yellow spots. Her temperature was high and she looked dry. She was given the usual pain relievers, was given fluids and I instructed the dorm staff on how to care for her.

The following morning she was taken to the doctor where a Strep Throat test was performed, and following the positive result, she was commenced on the appropriate antibiotics.

After two days of antibiotics and analgesia, Jennifer felt much improved. So much improved that she wanted to go to class, which we allowed her to do. I did explain to her that even though she felt better, she still needed to take her antibiotics. It was a wednesday morning and everyone felt confident that Jennifer's illness would soon be cured.

Later that same day, around sixish, I caught up with Jennifer in her dorm because she hadn't come in to take her breakfast or lunchtime dose of antibiotics. "I feel so much better" she said when I asked her why she hadn't taken them. "Well, if you don't finish them you could get a lot worse. Do you understand?" She nodded her head. I then gave her a dinner time dose plus another to take around 10pm when she went to bed, that way she would only have missed one dose for the day. "Can I trust you to take them, or do I have to come and give them to you?" I asked. Jennifer promised to take the antibiotic. "You also need to rest this weekend. No going out. I want you resting in the dorm, staying warm, dry, no restaurants, no alcohol, and no partying." Jennifer again promised to do as asked.

I never saw Jennifer the next day (friday) or saturday. I saw her 6pm sunday evening after a phone call from the dorm staff which went like this: "She looks terrible. She's lying there not moving, please come quick." I made my way pretty quickly to the dorm.

As I walked into Jennifer's room I was almost knocked over by the smell of rot and bacteria. Jennifer was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her lips parched, her breathing rapid and shallow and her bed soaked through with sweat.

It turns out that on Friday afternoon Jennifer's auntie had come and taken her away for the weekend. In that time, Jennifer said she had nothing to eat or drink because her throat was too painful, and she never took her antibiotics. On the sunday morning the auntie had taken her to hospital. She was discharged several hours later after being given a further course of antibiotics. The auntie never contacted any of us nursing staff or anyone else at the school. The auntie just dropped her off niece and left.

"Why was she so dehydrated? How could you let her get like that?" Mr Smith said accusingly. The phone conversation wasn't going well again. "Ah, Jennifer was under the care of her auntie. Jennifer never even told us she was going away. How can we look after someone when they are not here? Also, Jennifer insists she never had any food or fluids, and her friend who was with her confirms this. I don't want to blame anyone, but this is how she presented to us" As I said this I felt my ire rising. "You're calling my sister a liar?" Mr Smith fumed. "Ah, all I'm saying is she was away, when she was not supposed to be, and when she came back she was in this state. She came back at six pm, I was called at 1805hrs, and was with her by 1815hrs. We have done all we could for her, when she has been with us" I barely kept my voice calm. "Well your best is obviously not good enough" said Mr Smith. "Well, you did say you would come out here if you weren't happy with our care. Perhaps it would be best if you did, that way you can be assured your daughter is getting proper care." There was a brief pause on the line "Well, she's getting the care she needs now. So let's just leave it at that. I want a update every day on her progress. I want her to see the doctor every day and I want you to make sure she takes her antibiotics." I never got a chance to say goodbye as the phone went dead.

It is parents like Mr Smith that make me have as little contact with them as possible. Nothing we do is good enough. They rant and rave about specialists and threats of coming out here to deal with the matter personally, but generally they don't. Generally their board meeting is too important, or they send the family secretary out as they can't make some time for their own children.

Not all parents are like this, but many of these wealthy ones are. They have the money, the small or big fortune, but they don't have their priorities right. Their priorities are their business and making more money. It's a different sort of wealth from the one I'm used to.