The Drug Test

"Why me?" exclaimed Mike. I shrugged my shoulders, "Just doing my job, nothing personal." Mike handed me the an empty jar "Well, I can't pee, sorry. I need some water" Mike grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and began to pour himself some water. "Sorry Mike, no water. Might dilute the sample too much." Mike slammed the cup on the bench, water spilling everywhere. "You think I'm guilty, don't ya. You're out to get me" Mike stormed out of the room and headed for the front door. "You can't leave Mike, you gotta stay until you pee. School rules" I said.



Just like last year when Mike was drug tested, it took four hours for Mike to pee. When he finished he handed me the bottle, "Satisfied" he said, sloshing the bottle as he handed it to me, spilling urine over the top and dribbling down the side. Even with my gloved hands I could tell that there was a problem "It's not warm. It's cold" I said. You need to do it again, and this time keep the bathroom door open." Mike took a step towards me, his mouth open, his eyes wide in disbelief. I took a step back. "You've got to be kidding. This is bullshit." I went ahead and tested his sample, which came back clear, but made him sit until he gave us another sample.

An hour later Mike gave me the next sample. "Feel the difference" I said as Mike was holding his sample. "What are you talking about?" protested Mike. I took the sample from his grasp, it's warm, I can practically see the steam rising off it. Mike flung his arms in the air "Whatever" he said, again storming out the room.

"Good news" I said to Mike, "It's clear." "I told you I was clean. You've got it in for me. I'll be telling my parents about this. This ain't over." I made sure it was over "Mike, you seem to be forgetting that you were caught asking another student for their ritalin. You made yourself target. That's why you were drug tested in the first place. Perhaps I should talk to your parents again about this." Mike shut up and got out.

I don't want anyone to be positive for drugs, but it's part of the job. It's nothing personal, but the only students to protest as loudly as Mike have always turned out positive for drugs. Mike is guilty, but he's been very lucky, that's all.