Gynae nightmares

"Stop pissing around and start unloading the fucking breakfast trolley" bellowed Bettie. Bettie was my first charge nurse and I was just new graduate. "Is this normal?" I whispered to Shelly, my preceptor. Shelly's face wore a frown as she motioned for me to begin unloading the trolley. "They're not all like Bettie. She's a bad charge nurse. Don't trust her and cover your butt" explained Shelly.

I'd only been on the job one week and I hated my boss, hated all but a handful of the staff, and hated nursing. What the fuck was I, a male, doing in a gynaecology ward? I had the worst possible start to a nursing career that anyone could ask for. The patients regularly refused to have me as their nurse and the feeling was mutual.

What did management expect? I never had an interview, the hospital took the top dozen graduated from the nursing school and placed them in wards. It didn't help that my name had been mistaken for a women's name.

And now my preceptor was insisting I do everything a female nurse did. "I want you to catheterize Mrs Jones" said Shelly. I nearly walked out then and there.

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My Final Thoughts in regards to the male/female nursing issue. I've received a lot of grief from other nurses about genearlly not doing female catheterizaion.
I want to tell one more story, which I hope you read. It may really give you some food for thought.

As a student nurse, the school had problems finding a kindergarten placement for me. The kindergartens around the city didn't exactly have a problem with a male nurse, but the parents whose children went to the kindy did. When I finally found a placement, I was warned by the women who worked there that if certain parents come to see/collect their kids, that I should try not to be seen. Some of the parents only sent their children to that kindy because there were no male staff. What is my point?

The point is, we live in such a society where gender does matter. We live in a society where 99% of sexual assault victims are female. In an ideal world, a nurses gender shouldn't matter, but this is far from the case.

Now, when I began my first job, I received a letter in the mail saying I was accepted and was to spend 6months in ward 16. I had no interview, and I do wonder if the hospital management thought my name a female name. I was sent to the gynaecology ward. It was a job, I couldn't turn it down, plus after six months I would be transfered to another ward.

Now, every single patient in that ward was shocked when they realized they had a male nurse. Sometimes this was voiced to me, and other times the patient didn't say anything, but you could tell from their body language, the look in their eyes, their tone of voice, their general discomfort, that they didn't want a male nurse. Even when they said it was alright, most times they were still uncomfortable.

Now, as a new graduate with this extra hurdle, I had a problem. How did I get around this problem? I began by being far more sensitive to my patients privacy than the rest of the nurses in the ward. For example, when checking a surgical wound for a abdominal hysterectomy patient, I would put a towel over their genital area, and make sure I only saw the wound. When assessing PV bleeding, I had a brown paper bag at the bedside they could discreetly put the pads in and I could check them after. Of course I would ask them how much bleeding they had, but we all know how subjective this can be.

Patients did come to appreciate me and my efforts. I never once saw any of the other female nurses do the little extra things I did to make a patient comfortable. In fact, learning to do these things, was one of the best thing that came out of my time in the Gynae ward.

So, when nurses say we are nurses first, and men/women next, I find insensitive. I wonder if the nurses who say this have given thought to the way society is. I know as nurses we try to be above this, but it must be taken into consideration.

Now, as to my not catheterizing women. One nurse said "Why do you need a chaperone? Do you think you might do something bad?" The nurse who said this wasn't thinking about the world we live in. A chaperone is needed, even the male gynaecologists need one, at least in New Zealand.

This then brings up a practical issue. Why have two people to do a job that only one, needs to do. Why have a women standing watching me do a very invasive, intimate procedure on a woman, when I could be doing something useful to help her, while she does the catheterization.

Another scenario for those mothers out there with 16 year old daughters. In many countries 16 is the legal age of consent, and you are considered an adult. Imagine if your 16yr old daughter was approached by a male nurse. You, the mother is not there at the time. It is explained to her that she needs a catheter. She is nervous, but gives her consent. Is she nervous about the procedure, well probably, but I bet she's a damn sight more nervous about having a guy go down "there". She's probably so nervous that she doesn't realise she can say no, even if you say that you can get a female nurse. How would you, as the mother, feel about this?

Needless to say I would absolutely refuse to do this on a young, teenage girl, no matter what, even with a chaperone. It would not be right for the patient and it would not be right for me. I find it so strange to be called sexist because I care what my female patients think. I find it strange to be called sexist because I incorporate my values and beliefs in my care. Isn't that what makes us good nurses, using our values/beliefs to help provide great care.

For those who say that I shouldn't be a nurse because I "Don't do it all," I say to them, Is there anything you won't do because of your beliefs/values? And is all the good, the people that I have helped, the happiness and sadness that I have shared with patients in the last twelve years, is that now meaningless?

I'm sorry to hear that I shouldn't be a nurse because I don't "Do it all." I guess I'm just a failed nurse.

A caring nurse

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I'm a Sexless Professional

I'm a professinal, at least that's what my colleagues say. But what does that exactly mean?
I recently had a discussion with some fellow nurses, all Amercican nurses, and told them that there are certain things that I am reluctant to do as a nurse. One of those things was the female catheterization.
"That's sexist" was one of the more polite remarks I recieved, while one of the more rational arguments was "We are professionals. As long as we behave in a professional way, then we should all have to do the same job." The group of women all agreed on this point. "So, does that mean we are nurses first, then man/woman second?" I recieved some confused looks, then eventually recieved a "Ah yes, well not exactly yes. No, ah Yes." I have asked this same question regarding catheterization of several male nuress, and they all agreed with the women.

Am I the only male who thinks that it is harder for a female patient as well as for a male nurse to do such an intimate procedure? Am I the only nurse who thinks that gender does matter? What harm does it cause if I choose not to do a procedure when there are capable people around who could do it just as well, plus make it easier for the patient.

And what does being a "Professional" mean? From what I'm hearing from others it sounds like I am a sexless machine capable of doing it all because that is what I am paid to do.

Instead I think of myself as a caring carer. I have my faults and biases. I make mistakes and I sometimes let my feelings help make my decisions. But I have a big heart and I do the job because I care first. I enjoy making people laugh when they're sick. I enjoy being able to make a difference in people's lives. I also do the job recognizing my faults, and if I ever think that my views/faults may jeopardize a patient, I know to get someone else to take over that patient's care.

I guess I'm not a very successful Sexless Professional. But I can live with being called sexist and unprofessional, just because I sometimes refuse to do female catheterization. I'm sure there's a lot worse things I could be.

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Jobs that a male nurse shouldn't have to do part 2

So I avoided having to give Mrs Smith a catheter. Some nurses will be like Sharon and insist that a male nurse must do all that a female nurse does, and vice versa, but that is wrong. It wasn't an urgent situation, and in fact the only urgent situation that I can think of is the poor prostate patient with a bladder about to explode. I digress, back to Mrs Smith.

As I need a chaperone anyway, one that needs to be female, there is no need for me to do the job, and there is no need for the patient to have to go through having such an unpleasantly intimate job done by a male. As for all those poor men having a woman insert a catheter in their penis, well it just isn't the same, for the patient that is.

Some nurses will argue that we are professionals. They seem to think that by using the word 'professional' means we have open licence to do the most intimate procedures. I don't like the word professional as I sometimes feel it makes us sexless machines. We are carers first. It's not about what I can do for my patient because I have the knowledge, but about using that knowledge in an appropriate and caring way.

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Jobs that a male nurse shouldn't have to do

"You're are nurse, it's part of your job, so go and do it" Sharon ordered. She was of course talking about my patient, Mrs Smith. Mrs Smith was forty years old and was day two post an abdominal hyseterctomy. The catheter had come out and needed to be replaced because she was having trouble passing urine. "I can't go down there" up until now I had never had a disagreement with my preceptor. "I'm sorry, but you are going to have to do it. I have to catheterize men, so you have to do women." I could see Sharon's point, but it still didn't make it seem right. "Sharon, I've never done one before, this is crazy" Sharon then went on to give me some very detailed instructions.

I explained to Mrs Smith what was going to happen. "You're going to do it?" her face showed absolute horror. "Well I'm supposed to, but if you'd prefer, I can get one of the girls to do it." Mrs Smith's face instantly registered relief. "I'll got get someone now"

It was only my third week out of college, and as such I didn't really know what my options were in this situation, and that is why I had a preceptor, Sharon, but she wasn't giving me any options.

"She doesn't want me to do it" I said to Sharon. She shook her head in disgust "More likely you gave her the choice. You're a nurse, act like one. Tell her you're a professional and it's part of the job." I could see that I was not going to convince Sharon otherwise and went in search of another nurse.

"Ah, you can't go and give a catheter on your own" Leslie said. Leslie was another young nurse like myself, she had been one year ahead of me in nursing college, "You need a chaperone." I felt a shiver go down my spine as I thought at the potential trouble I could have got in if I had gone ahead and inserted the catheter. I even imagined my name making the front page of the local newspaper with the headline "Male nurse assaults female patient." I explained to Leslie what Sharon had ordered me to do and she couldn't understand why she would be so carelss. "Well, if I need a chaperone, then a female may as well do it" I reasoned. Leslie kindly offered to do the job for me.

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