This should never happen to a man

"Ah, I have a big bloody problem" said Mr Jones to nurse Brooke. Nurse Brooke was young, blonde, and just out of college. She had been accepted straight into the emergency room immediately post graduation. This was the hospital's new orientation policy and it was not too popular with some of the staff. The problem was that many nurses felt she should spend at least a year or two in the wards first. But Brooke's easy going personality and good looks, soon won over even the most hardened emergency room veteran. Especially the doctors.

"Well, that's what we're here for Mr Jones, fixing problems" Brooke explained. Mr Jones didn't look at all comfortable with Brooke. He wouldn't make eye contact and kept looking at the floor while grasping his privates. "I don't suppose there's any men around are there?" Mr Jones asked "I've got a problem down below, if you take my meaning, and it's fucking sore." Brooke felt the heat rise up her neck and turn her face bright red. "Ah, sure, I can get a male to have a look. But I really don't mind having a look. I'm a nurse, after-all." Mr Jones briefly made eye contact with Brooke "Trust me, it ain't pretty. But if you can help with the pain, go ahead." By now Brooke's cursiosity was well and truly aroused and she was almost eager to have a look 'down below.' "Well, ok then" Mr Jones began to unbutton his trousers.

I was seeing a patient in the bed next to Mr Jones and had heard everything. I was very curious myself as to what was going on 'down below' but kept out of the way as Brooke had everything under control.

"Oh my god" exclaimed Brooke. "Bloody hell. Be gentle woman" exclaimed Mr Jones. "I'm so sorry. Oh my god. What happened?" asked Brooke. "Don't touch a thing. Don't touch a bloody thing" said Mr Jones. "I'm sorry. I won't touch a thing. Here, let me just put a bit of gauze on it" offered Brooke. Brooke then emerged from behind the curtain and came over to me, her face pale in shock. "Ah, I think you'd better have a look" Brooke said. I wasted no time and went to look at Mr Jones' privates.

"How did you do that?" I asked Mr Jones. I was staring at a very bloody, mangled stump of penis. "Do you know what a Prince Albert is?" asked Mr Jones. I nodded my head, my face wincing in sypathy because I knew what he was going to say next. A Prince Albert is a chain that is threaded down the penis and is then pierced through the wall of the penis and the chain is then joined to form a loop. "Well, it fucking got caught didn't it. It damn near ripped the whole thing off" he said. It didn't really matter how he ripped it off, but I had to know "Ah, but how did you rip it off?" I asked. He lowered his voice so only I could hear "Ah, caught in some machinery, that's all." There was nothing more he would say and nothing more I could do, so went and got the doc.

Doctor Kassner was the senior doctor on duty that night and he was very talented with a needle and thread. Between Doctor Kassner, myself and nurse Brooke we spent the next hour suturing Mr Jones' penis back together. He was then admitted to the ward for overnight observation and sent home the next morning.

Two weeks later Brooke and I were working together again when Mr Jones came in to have his sutures removed. He certainly looked a lot livlier than his last visit although this was probably because his penis hadn't fallen off and he could pee normally. In fact he was in such good spirits that it was with tongue in cheek Brooke advised him that he should not get another Prince Albert. "You're bloody kidding right?" said Mr Jones.